How Could I Say 'I Love You'..........Part 17

The new year had already arrived by the time our exams were over. In fact, I was studying on the new year eve. The college resumed within 3 days of completion of exams. Yet again it was me, metro and Chhavi traveling together everyday. I didn't use to get repelled from her nowadays but now, since the course doubts were no longer a source of bother for me, I used to get bored from her talks. Most of her chatting topics hovered around her hometown, her family and her school life. I didn't enjoy any of them but she would find great joy in giving the accounts of her past life which was, at least for me, devoid of any exciting thing.

Often while she talked endlessly, I would slip into the memories and remember those lovely moments spent with Rashi. I hadn't talked with her in last 6 months and had hardly any idea how she was doing. A no. of times I would think of calling her but my male ego won't allow me to do so since she herself had never communicated with me in this whole period.Yet again the feeling of hatred towards my present situation was slowly getting induced into me. I had to stop it and I couldn't think of any way to do so.

Different thoughts were running my mind when I saw Rashi suddenly at a mall in Rajouri Garden with a guy. I crash landed on the ground of reality. She had moved on with her life and I was still stuck with the past. I wanted to go and begin a fight with that guy but had to curb my emotions since my family was with me. I couldn't sleep that night properly. On one hand I was angry with her for forgetting me so soon. On the other hand I was furious with myself for being such a jerk.

How Could I Say 'I Love You'..........Part 16

I was applauding my decision of getting friendly with Chhavi very soon. It had nothing to with her nature but her sharp mind. She was one of the toppers of her school and was a very hardworking and dedicated girl. I was surprised how come did she land in this tier 2 college but never bothered to ask her. Her intelligence was turning out to be a boon for me. Programming was like a cakewalk for her and she could handle math as well. Chhavi scored pretty well in the 1st mid semester exams too.

Though I would ask my problems and doubts to her, I would never communicate with her in college except for some very important unavoidable work. Amazingly she had followed this protocol pretty well. A couple of times I would wonder why doesn't she cringe when it is clear that I have befriended her for my own concern and have also put loads of protocols in place. Slowly I realized that she had very few friends in the college and none seemed to be very close to her. May be it was her personality or because she was a small town product; she had hardly impressed anyone other than the faculties.

I wasn't too bothered about her anyway. Even she never complained and helped me happily whenever I put my problems in front of her. I had seriously began to study just a month back and needed to put much more efforts in order to score a respectable percentage. So I would bring many doubts everyday and the train journey was spent mostly in discussions. Soon we had preparation holidays and I was stuck at home with my books for whole 15 days.

How Could I Say 'I Love You'..........Part 15

And this is how I came to know the name of the girl whom I had met umpteen times (joking but still a lot of times) but never bothered to take any interest in knowing her. We didn't become friends that day; I didn't offer my friendship to her and even she didn't. We chatted that day for almost 40 minutes before she got down on her station.

The things had changed a somewhat in the past few months. After my initial bitterness towards the college and its environment, I was finally getting adapted to them. Very soon I had came to know that this kind of alien and bitter attitude towards my own alma mater won't take me anywhere. I had made some friends also and though I never tried to show it, I had begun to enjoy the college life a little.

My heart though hadn't recovered yet and I was still not ready for any relationship. I treated girls as my other classmates only and so wouldn't chat with them as freely yet. I was reluctant to talk much with Chhavi that day too but her crying episode had led to our small chat session and that had been helpful in knowing two things about her

a) She had brains unlike many other girls in my class
b) In spite of that she lacked everything when it came to personality. Her way of dressing, talking, standing - everything was devoid of style and sophistication.

But there was something else that relived me. Those 40 odd minutes assured me that I could never fall in love with this girl. Secondly I had told her clearly before she got down from the train " Chhavi, please do not talk with me in front of my
friends. I mean avoid talking with me in college except for any very important work
since people here are pretty quick in labeling a girl and a boy as a couple. I hope you are understanding it. "

She understood it quickly. For a small town girl, the word couple itself was pretty scary. She nodded her head and left.